Something Called Forgiveness

Today has been a wacky and upsetting day, to say the least. My day at work actually felt like two work days, probably because I was stuck in a meeting for 2 1/2 hours. But something else occurred today that is rather disturbing and upsetting. I was not even a witness to this particular event. Unfortunately, my husband was.



Imagine if you will, a restaurant called Cici's. You know the place, $4.99 all-you-can-eat-pizza-buffet, kids galore running around and having a good time. After picking up Daniel from preschool, Joshua took him and Raelee to Cici's to have a pizza lunch. A couple members of Joshua's family also met him and the kids there.



Now, it's no secret that I joined The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in 1994 and that I have practiced my religion of choice ever since then. Joshua joined the church in 2001 a few months after we were married. The decision was entirely his--he wouldn't even allow me to be in the house, let alone in the same room, when he took the discussions with the missionaries--so I had no influence on his decision to join the church. Joshua even called these particular family members to let them know he wanted to get baptized and if they had a problem. They said they did not.



So on this day at Cici's, Joshua began talking to these particular family members about an experience he had with the missionaries Sunday evening. Joshua had asked them to help him with some home teaching (visit families in our church and and share a spiritual thought). Unfortunately, a conversation that he thought would be light-hearted and casual errupted into a Bible-bashing session. One of the family members started raking Joshua over the coals and talking negatively about the religion he chose to practice. Joshua tried to defend himself but the raking continued. That's nothing new. I think we all experience a difference of opinion with a family member, a friend, a coworker, or anyone. That's life. The really upsetting thing is that this one family member told Joshua that, in her opinion, he was going to H--- and she would pray for him.



What? What did she say? Are you kidding me? Why would anyone ever say such a thing to anyone, especially with anger and animosity in her or his voice?



Okay, so remember me telling you to picture a restaurant called Cici's, kids galore, etc.? Yeah. Our kids were sitting at the table hearing every word that this person so callously said. If Joshua did not have the kids with him, he would have immediately stood up and left. But you just can't do that with Daniel and Raelee. You have to prepare them, "Okay, kids, we need to leave in 10 minutes." If you don't, then get ready for the temper tantrum of a lifetime. Know what a I mean?



Instead, Joshua sat there. The conversation soon fizzled out because other people at Cici's were staring. Later this afternoon, Joshua called me at work and told me about the incident. Raelee & Daniel were taking a nap, oblivious to the fact that their father was close to tears. Never would I tell my children that they were going to "H---." Never would I tell anyone that, no matter who they are. There are some things you just don't say, especially when you are angry. It's one thing if someone you care about has gone on the wrong path (drugs, stealing, etc.) and out of concern for their welfare you tell them that you are worried that they are going down the wrong path and will hurt themself or someone else. Okay, I get that. But to tell someone they are going to the place of fire & brimstone because of their deeply-held religious beliefs? Joshua said that the only thing worse this family member could have said was, "I don't love you." It hurt him that deeply.



And because it hurt him, it hurt me as well. I am supposed to go on a scrapbooking retreat this weekend with two of Joshua's family members. One of them was this person who has hurt him so badly. I'm still going on the retreat. But I have no desire to speak to or sit near this person. I feel like I cannot trust her. If she can tell my husband that he is going to "H---" in front of our children, then what is she teaching our children? That because their father is going to "H---" (in her opinion, of course) that they will go there also if they continue believing in the same thing he does?



And so I am searching for answers to this family member's behavior. But more importantly, I'm searching for a way to forgive her for her callous behavior. The Savior said that we must forgive one another 70 times 70 and to not recall the incident with hurt or anger. That's easier said than done. This wasn't just a slip of the tongue. It hurts knowing that she didn't just say it--she first thought it. When did she first think this? When Joshua told her he was going to get baptized and she said that she didn't have a problem with that?



It isn't easy living near family. We've had minor skirmishes with Joshua's family since we moved here in 2002. And I expect that there will be more in the future so long as we live in such close proximity to them. But with each event that has occurred, it gets a little harder to look someone in the eye when they continually make you feel about this <-> small for believing as you do.



But isn't that what we are supposed to go through? To be different, to stand out, to suffer for His name. The Savior doesn't want us to do the same as everyone else simply because "it's what you do." He wants us to stand for something, to stand up for what we believe in. And to turn the other cheek with others smite us, or hurt our feelings, or criticize us because they don't understand and don't want to understand why we choose to follow the Savior.

I like to listen to a Contemporary Christian station on the radio, mostly because I just don't like much of the pop music in the world. On the way home from work, a song came on that really seemed appropriate. The lyrics went, "You and I are not that different...all we want is to hear the voice of the Savior." That's what I wish this family member understood. Our Heavenly Father doesn't want His children to argue over who is right and who is wrong. The Savior didn't suffer just so we had a reason to hurt each other. He knows what my husband is going through and he desires us to turn to Him in faith and prayer. I hope and pray that this family member, whose unkind words cut so deeply and pierced Joshua's heart, will realize that we have a lot more in common with her and her religious beliefs than she realizes. We are not that different. All we want is to hear the voice of the Savior.